Don't Be Selfish
by Little Asian Girl
Summary: Don't be selfish, it's only for your own good. She tried. She really did. One character genderbend (Loki)


**Yet another single character genderbend.**

 **Original story idea from a picture I found while surfing the web.**

 **A QUICK NOTE OF UNDERSTANDING: The ages are a not very spread out. Think of the years as how old she would have been on Midgard, and not on Asgard.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters. I don't own them. Yep. I pretty much don't own anything.**

 **Please read and review!**

~o0o~

9 years old

"Mother?" Loki sat at the window ledge, watching her brother play outside. Frigga brushed her fingers through her daughter's dark hair.

"Yes, Loki?" Her voice was warm and soft.

"Why won't Thor let me come with him anymore?" Frigga looked down at Loki's imploring eyes and smiled reassuringly. She brushed the silky strands of hair away from her face.

"Thor's just at this age, dear. He'll come around." Loki thought for a second, tilting her head.

"What age?" Frigga looked outside thoughtfully. She watched her son spar with the swords master, the dirt and sweat like a second layer of skin. Some of it may have had to do with age difference. Most of it probably had to do with how Loki disliked playing with swords and things of the like, which was exactly what Thor liked to play with. The two were almost polar opposites, Thor being bright and loud, preferring to be outside, and Loki being dark and quiet, usually found reading in the library instead.

"Well," she said carefully crafting her words, "Young boys at the age your brother is right now tend to want time alone." Her daughter frowned unhappily and fiddled with her fingers.

"But he likes being with Fandral and Sif and his other friends." _But not with me,_ seemed to be the intended message. She dismissed it. Thor would come around. Later in the future.

"Thor loves you, Loki. He may not show it all the time, but he loves you. Just give him a little space and he'll come around." Frigga repeated patiently. _So don't be selfish okay?_

Loki looked unsatisfied, but accepted the answer obediently. (Loki always did for her)

"Yes Mother."

~o0o~

10 years old

"Can't I just learn with Mother?" Loki trailed after her father down the palace halls, green eyes bright and defiant. "I don't even know _how_ to use a sword. I'd just be in the way of everyone else and-" she closed her mouth as Odin slowed and turned.

"All the more," he gazed down imposingly, "to learn." Odin looked at her thin frame, which made her look so small and insignificant.

"I work better with Seidr, so I really don't _need_ to-"

"You don't _need to_ , but _you will._ " She shrank back at her father's tone, the fight in her eyes fading. Odin sighed, closing his one eye. After a long time, he opened it, and kneel down so he was at her height. "Loki."

"Yes, Father?"

"I need you to at least try. As a princess of Asgard, you must know how to defend yourself in other ways." She looked like she was going to argue, but Odin continued tiredly. "You need to maintain our reputation."

"Thor already does that." Odin lost his patience.

"Thor is one thing. _You_ are another." She flinched. Odin didn't want to force anything on her, but this was something she was just going to have to deal with. Members of the Royal family were usually expected to have a wide set of skills and talents. Using a sword was one of them. His daughter had never enjoyed using large heavy weapons. She preferred the delicate precision of magic over brute force. "I will still allow you to practice with your Mother, so don't be selfish." He waited impatiently for an answer. For a moment, Odin thought she wouldn't answer.

"I…Yes, Father."

Odin continued walking.

~o0o~

12 years old

Thor stared incredulously at the eight legged horse following his sister.

"No." He said flatly.

"Please Thor! I can take care of him. Don't tell Father _please_?" Loki begged. It was huge, and it was obviously not a tamed horse, due to its bedraggled appearance.

"No, Loki. We are not keeping that _thing_." She looked offended for a moment, but Thor stood firm and ignored his sister's insistent pleading.

"But Thor!"

"Don't try to trick me into anything, sister. No is no." He snapped. Loki wilted almost instantly, shoulders slumping downwards. The horse must have sensed her distress, and nudged her cheek gently. Thor's voice softened. "Besides, it wouldn't want to be in stuffed in a stall for all of its life." Loki said nothing, but she petted it, and it nuzzled at her slender fingers.

"What if he gets lonely?" He thought about it for a moment.

"There are other horses." Thor pointed out, kicking the grass at his feet.

"They aren't like him." _Apparently._ He rolled his eyes. Loki didn't look at him, still stroking the horse.

"It would be free though." The elder responded, "Even if it _was_ lonely, it would be able to do whatever it'd like to." And if you thought about it, it did make sense. Most living things don't quite enjoy being locked up in a box with nothing else to do.

"His _name_ is Sleipnir" Loki gave him a scathing look. "And being free isn't the same as being happy." She added quietly, as sympathy flitted across her face.

"It's just a horse." Thor muttered. "Don't be selfish."

"Okay."

~o0o~

" _Don't be selfish."_

~o0o~

15 years old

"Did you even stop to consider the value of _our_ lives? Of your people?" The stout guard growled at the two siblings, Sif standing a few paces away, observing in quiet curiosity.

"Yes! Of course we do, I-" the guard seemed to take offense to this and turned his attention to the younger of the two.

"Then _why_ do you take such risks? Is it really for our sake? Or is it for yours?" He stared up at Loki (she was a good two and a half inches taller) with a look of pure _hate_.

Thor moved back slowly, distancing himself from his sister.

"I-We don't-I'm not" She trailed off, biting her lip. The princess glanced behind her. Sif kept her face hard and even, lips thin and tight. She wasn't one to help the girl, especially not after all the tricks she'd pulled. Thor would not meet her eyes. Loki's unfinished thought angered the guard even more.

"That's right. You don't." Giving her one last glare, he turned around. "You only care about yourself." Sif moved out of the way as he stormed past her. He wasn't wrong. Loki did only seem to look out for herself. She had never actually shown any concern for anyone _except_ for herself. The guard was just the only one to actually say something about it.

Loki stared after the guard looking uncertain.

Finally Thor stepped up and put a hand on his sister's shoulder. She silently nodded and began walking. Sif followed grudgingly, silently berating her.

 _I care about your life too._ Sif could almost hear her think.

 _No you don't._ Thor hesitantly walked next to her. _Not really. So don't be selfish and we might be more willing to aid you._

She didn't realize she had spoken aloud until Loki turned around, expression unreadable.

Sif didn't stop. Neither did Thor.

~o0o~

16 years old

"Amora, I hope you don't mind if-"

"Actually, I might. Let's not be selfish about this please?" Amora twirled a strand of blond hair around her finger. Loki knew she didn't mean it like that.

It still hurt anyways.

~o0o~

" _Don't be selfish"_

 _They said._

~o0o~

17 years old

"I thought you dead." Thor stared at the person he once knew. Loki sneered and stared back with no emotion. He tightened the grip on Mjolnir, frowning.

"Did you mourn?" Thor felt a flicker of surprise cross his face. What did she think they'd do?

"We all did. Our father-"

" _Your_ father!" She hissed, like a snake about to strike. A second thought seemed to occur to her and a faint smile ghosted her pale face. "He DID tell you of my true parentage, did he not?" Thor would have none of it, refusing to acknowledge that fact until a later time.

"We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?" She scoffed carelessly and he tensed.

" _I_ remember a shadow. Living in the _shade_ of your greatness. I remember you _tossing_ me into an abyss, I who was and should be ruling!"

I remember. I who was. I.

Why did she deny it? Why would she not see reason? How did she not _understand_ the pain she had caused him? The pain she had caused their mother and father?

" _Don't be selfish_." Thor felt a release of emotion (was it anger? Resentment? Pain? He couldn't tell) as he snarled at his (adopted) sister. She jerked back as if slapped, eyes widening. She parted her lips as if to throw back a retort, but stopped as he shoved her back to the cliff. " _Don't_ ," he growled, firmly holding his hands on Loki's arms, " _think only of yourself_." She flinched.

He glared into his sister's face, _daring_ her to argue. After a moment, her eyes dulled and her movements became slow, as if suddenly tired.

"Point taken."

~o0o~

 _Selfish was a term she had become familiar with._

" _Don't be selfish" was a phrase she was made accustomed to._

 _But what does it really mean? To be truly selfish?_

~o0o~

About a year after the Avengers (in Midgard time)

"Come on Reindeer Games!" Tony whined incessantly leaning over the couch, "Please?"

"No, Stark." Loki did not look up from the book she was reading, and only paused to flip her hair over her shoulder.

"Why not?"

"Because your Midgardian ideas of 'fun' do not correspond with my ideas of 'fun'." He pouted and widened his eyes, tilting his head to the side. "I do not fall for that Stark. I would have hoped you realized that by now."

"Aww, don't be selfish! It'll be fun!"

~o0o~

"Ugh, I don't need this right now, so don't be selfish and go bother someone else!" Nodding her head, Loki slunk away gracefully. Clint turned back the opposite way and stalked off, muttering under his breath.

~o0o~

 _To be selfish is to have concern only for one's personal pleasures and needs, and lack the consideration for others._

 _So when you call someone else selfish, are they really? Or are_ you _being selfish?_

~o0o~

Three years after the Avengers (in Midgard time)

Loki coughed wetly, spitting to the side as the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. A sharp pain made her wince. Her hands fluttered sluggishly at the large stick impaled in her stomach.

She felt the life draining out of her as blood gushed down the side of the wound. She didn't bother to use her magic to heal herself. It was pointless anyways.

A thick haze seemed to settle around her as she glanced around.

~o0o~

" _Don't be selfish" they said._

" _It's for your own good."_

 _That was the answer to all her problems and mistakes._

~o0o~

Thor hadn't noticed yet. Neither had the other Avengers. They were all too busy to be bothered by her. Loki turned towards the young mother and daughter next to her.

The mother was sobbing and stuttering, her daughter beside her. Loki smiled reassuringly at the young girl, pushing back the pain. The girl smiled and sat down. She couldn't have been older than ten.

She still had all the time in the world left to live. There was still innocence in the light of her brown eyes. Loki breathed out slowly and let the girl hold her hand, which had stilled.

She felt the blackness start to edge out the vision in her eyes.

~o0o~

 _They told her not to be selfish._

~o0o~

At least she was able to save them. The mother's face showed concern, her frantic movements somewhat slowing as she knelt next to her daughter, realizing what was going to happen.

The pain had begun to feel numb.

Loki distantly heard her brother shout in the distance. She felt her presence beginning to fade, eyes drifting shut. The last thing she would see, the last thing she _wanted_ to see, was the pure gratitude in their eyes. A soft squeeze in her right hand told her more than words ever would.

A blond head was seen from her peripheral.

It was satisfying. To finally be appreciated. That was all Loki could ever ask for. She smiled with a sort of finality, lips curling up.

~o0o~

 _They_ told _her not to be selfish._

 _Fine._


End file.
